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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Juan Pierre's 72-Game Hitting Streak Lost Amid Recent Flurry Of Baseball Milestones

LOS ANGELES—In a weekend that saw Alex Rodriguez hit his 500th home run, Tom Glavine notch his 300th win, and Barry Bonds tie Hank Aaron's career mark of 755 homers, one small but notable accomplishment was overlooked: Dodgers centerfielder Juan Pierre collected a base hit in his 72nd consecutive game, quietly shattering the previous record of 56 games held by Joe DiMaggio. "Huh," ESPN analyst Buster Olney said of Pierre's consistent barrage of at least one hit per game for a span of nearly three months, dating all the way back to May 18 and raising Pierre's average from .265 to .423. "How do you like that?" Reporters were unable to contact Pierre before press time, as they are waiting to see if Bonds will hit No. 756 off Nationals starter Mike Bacsik, who is seeking his fourth consecutive perfect game.

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