adBlockCheck

Jubilant 7-Year-Old Fan Of Arizona Cardinals Doesn’t Even See It Coming

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Jubilant 7-Year-Old Fan Of Arizona Cardinals Doesn’t Even See It Coming

TEMPE, AZ—Excited by Arizona’s surprising 2-0 record and expressing confidence that the Cardinals will have “the best season ever,” 7-year-old Jonathan Burley appeared completely oblivious Saturday to the inevitable agony and disappointment he will soon face as a fan of the team. “We’re going to win the Super Bowl this year!” said Burley, apparently unaware that the Cardinals will, at best, have a 3-6 record heading into their bye week after losing several close games through last-minute turnovers, avoidable penalties, and botched clock management. “Kevin Kolb is the best quarterback, and Larry Fitzgerald runs so fast. They’re going to score a million touchdowns tomorrow!” At press time, Burley was trying on his new Beanie Wells jersey, failing to realize that the running back will tear an ACL during Sunday’s game against the Eagles and finish the season on injured reserve.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close