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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Judge Awards Heather Mills Writing Credit On 'Eleanor Rigby'

LONDON—In addition to the $48.6 million in child support recently awarded Sir Paul McCartney's estranged wife, Heather Mills, the 40-year-old activist announced Tuesday that she has successfully sued the legendary former Beatle for a writing credit on the classic 1966 song "Eleanor Rigby." "After being married to Paul for six long years, I have as much of a claim to that song as he does," Mills said of the pop masterpiece penned two years before her birth, which will henceforth be credited to "Mills-McCartney-Lennon." "But I'm not going to back down until I get everything I deserve, and that includes recognition for the guitar solo on 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'" A spokesperson for Mills said that the former glamour model will seek further damages in the form of having herself Photoshopped into all existing images of the iconic 1969 Abbey Road album cover.

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