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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Judge Rolls Eyes, Upholds Naughty Baker's First-Amendment Rights

LITTLE ROCK, AR–Rolling his eyes and sighing, Judge Howard Kitna of the Arkansas Court Of Appeals upheld Sweet 'N' Nasty erotic-bake-shop owner Bill Engler's constitutional right to free expression Monday. "As there is no legal precedent for ruling against a defendant on the grounds of bad taste, I suppose I have no choice but to rule in favor of 'The Naughty Baker' and his 'Make A Wish... And Blow!' cake," Kitna said of Engler, who was arrested Apr. 7 after refusing to remove a window display featuring a penis-shaped cake with cupcake testicles and chocolate-sprinkle pubic hair. "Go ahead and display your thing."

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