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Judge Rolls Eyes, Upholds Naughty Baker's First-Amendment Rights

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Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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Judge Rolls Eyes, Upholds Naughty Baker's First-Amendment Rights

LITTLE ROCK, AR–Rolling his eyes and sighing, Judge Howard Kitna of the Arkansas Court Of Appeals upheld Sweet 'N' Nasty erotic-bake-shop owner Bill Engler's constitutional right to free expression Monday. "As there is no legal precedent for ruling against a defendant on the grounds of bad taste, I suppose I have no choice but to rule in favor of 'The Naughty Baker' and his 'Make A Wish... And Blow!' cake," Kitna said of Engler, who was arrested Apr. 7 after refusing to remove a window display featuring a penis-shaped cake with cupcake testicles and chocolate-sprinkle pubic hair. "Go ahead and display your thing."

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