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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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June Mademoiselle To Feature Ten Ways To Flatten Your Tummy

NEW YORK—In a move that will revolutionize the work of dietitians and health scientists worldwide, Mademoiselle editor Vincent D’Meretin revealed plans Monday to publish a long-awaited list of “10 Ways to Flatten Your Tummy” in the June issue of the popular women’s magazine. The list will offer vital, never-before-known diet and exercise advice that could, if followed properly, take inches of unwanted fat off the tummy area. “I eagerly await this information,” San Francisco dietitian Mar-garet Loen said. “As a professional dietitian, I am unaware of any methods to reduce the fat content of the human body over a several-week period.”

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