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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Jury Selection Proving Difficult In Trial Of 'The Jury Killer'

PHOENIX—Defense attorneys for Thomas David Skrepnak, accused in 1999 of fatally stabbing all 12 members of the jury hearing his armed-robbery trial, are having trouble finding unbiased jurors for his upcoming murder trial. "It is difficult to find a jury that won't be at least somewhat prejudiced against Thomas," lead defense attorney Patricia Wynne said Monday, "especially given the hot-button issue of jury murder at hand here." Skrepnak's last six court appearances all ended in mistrial.

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