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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Just A Stay-In-Bed Kind Of Day, Fire Department Declares

ALBANY, NY–Citing inclement weather and a general "blah" feeling among the firefighters, Albany fire chief Martin Brundle declared Monday "just a lazy, stay-in-bed kind of day." "We've been working hard all year," said Brundle, speaking from his firehouse cot. "Our men deserve a day to just lie around and watch TV, and maybe order some pizza in the afternoon." The department's outgoing answering-machine message advised citizens of the greater Albany area to "call back tomorrow."

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