Justice Breyer Unable To Look At Anything Without Deliberating Constitutionality Of It

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Vol 48 Issue 18

This Is Fun, Right?

GSN 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Host Jon Barton can’t tell if contestants are having a good time, so he tries to think of fun games for them to play.

Mosquitoes Don't Even Need To Bite Us, Study Shows

MINNEAPOLIS—According to a study published Friday by researchers at the University of Minnesota, mosquitoes have no physiological reason to bite humans, and in fact do so only out of spite. "For years, entomologists assumed members of the ...

DEA Forgets Man In Cell For 4 Days

The Drug Enforcement Agency apologized to 23-year-old Daniel Chong for leaving him locked alone in a cell without food, water, or a toilet for four days.

The Dandelion Gang

Nickelodeon 11:00 a.m. EST/10:00 a.m. CST Something is a little bit off with the Dandelion Gang, until the credits roll and you realize the show was produced in Canada.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Justice Breyer Unable To Look At Anything Without Deliberating Constitutionality Of It

WASHINGTON—U.S. Supreme Court justice Stephen Breyer told reporters this week that he cannot stop himself from deliberating over whether even the most mundane aspects of his personal life follow the dictates set out by the U.S. Constitution. "It's completely automatic now; without even thinking about it, I'll be staring at a cup of coffee and start mentally running through Third Circuit appeals that could potentially relate to it," said Breyer, who estimated he spent at least six hours of his free time Saturday contemplating the constitutionality of issues ranging from throwing garbage in a neighbor's trash can to a birthday card for his nephew, which certain creative property statutes might have applied to. "I was late to work this morning because I tried to figure out whether borrowing my wife's car would violate the Fourth Amendment's prohibitions on unreasonable seizure in light of the precedent set by—hold on, I should be writing this down." When reached for comment, the Supreme Court's other eight justices were unanimous in their sentiment that Breyer should really stop calling them at home.

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