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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

The Onion’s Fall TV Preview

Networks are just weeks away from debuting their Fall lineups, featuring both new shows and returning favorites. The Onion breaks down what to watch this Fall.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Justin Timberlake Tells Jessica Biel No One Will Believe Her

LOS ANGELES—Explaining the exact nature of the situation to his wife, pop superstar Justin Timberlake reportedly told Jessica Biel on Wednesday that even if she were to make the mistake of telling somebody what happened, not a goddamn soul would believe her. “You’re nuts if you think anyone’s going to take your word over mine,” said Timberlake, who according to sources invited Biel to think for a minute about how ridiculous it would sound—her, the former 7th Heaven star, going up against him, an international sensation and the reigning king of pop. “Sure, tell the press. See if they’ll even listen to you. But Jess, if it really comes down to you versus me, then come on, who do you think they’ll believe? The guy who can literally make people scream by simply showing his face in public, or some 13-year-old’s jerk-off fantasy from 2001?” Reports indicate Timberlake then asked Biel to remind him which one of them was capable of selling out Madison Square Garden in five seconds flat and, after she answered, said, “That’s right,” patted her on the head, and told her he was going to bed.

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