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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Justin Upton Realizes He’s Been At Bat For 4 Hours

ATLANTA—Taking a timeout during the third inning of Tuesday’s game against the Marlins, Braves left fielder Justin Upton reportedly realized he’d been at bat for more than four hours. “Man, how long have I been up here?” Upton was overheard muttering after fouling off 437 consecutive full-count pitches from eight different Marlins pitchers. “It’s getting fairly dark outside, my shoulders are really starting to ache, and the fans are starting to leave. I mean, I get that it’s important to be patient and wait for the right pitch, but this is taking fucking forever.” At press time, the inning had ended as Jason Heyward was caught stealing second.

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