adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Justin Upton Realizes He’s Been At Bat For 4 Hours

ATLANTA—Taking a timeout during the third inning of Tuesday’s game against the Marlins, Braves left fielder Justin Upton reportedly realized he’d been at bat for more than four hours. “Man, how long have I been up here?” Upton was overheard muttering after fouling off 437 consecutive full-count pitches from eight different Marlins pitchers. “It’s getting fairly dark outside, my shoulders are really starting to ache, and the fans are starting to leave. I mean, I get that it’s important to be patient and wait for the right pitch, but this is taking fucking forever.” At press time, the inning had ended as Jason Heyward was caught stealing second.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close