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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Karl Malone Still Making Posters Of Himself For Kids' Bedrooms

RUSTON, LA—Forty-nine-year-old NBA Hall of Famer Karl Malone told reporters Monday that in addition to helping coach Louisiana Tech’s basketball team and escaping to his second home in Alaska, he still finds time to make new posters of himself for kids to hang on their bedroom walls. “With these computer programs now, it’s super easy to make them at home, throw the files on a Zip disk, and bring them to Kinko’s, where they print them out,” said Malone, showing reporters a few of his favorite designs, including one featuring the power forward dressed in a postal service uniform that says “The Mailman,” and another of him striking a pose while dunking, which he called “a total classic.” “People think posters have gone out of style, but no way. A kid turns 12, gets to decorate his own room, what’s he gonna choose? Posters. And that’s where ‘The Mailman’ comes in.” Malone declined to comment on how much revenue is generated by his posters, saying only that he “gets by,” which is more than can be said of former Golden State Warrior Chris Mullin, who just last year ceased production of his line of Chris Mullin trading cards due to declining sales.

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