adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
End Of Section
  • More News

Kasich Trying To Find Other States Where He Is Beloved Multi-Term Governor

COLUMBUS, OH—Hoping to build on the momentum from his victory in the Ohio Republican primary last night, presidential candidate John Kasich reportedly spent much of Wednesday trying to locate other states where he is a beloved multi-term governor. “Given our campaign’s tremendous success in Ohio, I’ve instructed my top staffers to focus all their efforts on identifying additional states where I am currently a widely popular governor, or have been in the past,” the candidate told reporters, adding that several aides were currently placing calls to every statehouse in the country to determine whether Kasich is a sitting governor anywhere else. “We want to move forward with the strategy that’s worked for us, and that means campaigning hard in states where my current constituents live. I’ve proved that I can win big in areas where I’m the governor, and now it’s time to take that approach nationwide.” Kasich went on to admit that he was still playing catch-up after his earlier strategy of trying to find states with a sizable moderate Republican base had proved unsuccessful.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close