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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Kathryn Bigelow - First Woman To Win Oscar For Best Directress

Filmmaker

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is to be commended for its charitable act in awarding the former Mrs. James Cameron, a female film director who now goes by the name Kathryn Bigelow, the first Oscar for Best Directress. The trophy, which was given to Bigelow for her delicate and mannered touch in female-directing The Hurt Locker, is identical to a director's Oscar in every detail aside from the breasts, the cocktail dress, and the ironing board clasped in its hands in lieu of a sword. "I'm extremely proud of her Oscar," James Cameron said of his former wife. "I myself have won three." Cameron is the director of the Academy Award–winning Avatar, which has grossed $2.8 billion worldwide, as well as such beloved American blockbuster classics as The Abyss, Aliens, and Titanic.

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Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

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