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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Katy Perry Drops Hints That Super Bowl Halftime Show Will Be Awful

PHOENIX—Stressing that she didn’t want to divulge too much information about the upcoming performance, pop star Katy Perry dropped several hints at a press conference Friday indicating that this weekend’s Super Bowl XLIX halftime show will be completely awful. “I don’t want to give anything away, but I will say this: Come halftime on Sunday, you better be ready to see the absolute worst, most god-awful piece of garbage you could possibly imagine,” said a smiling Perry, cryptically adding that fans could expect to see several surprise guests join her for “some lame duet performance that no one would ever want to see or hear in a million years.” “I can’t wait for you guys to see what Lenny [Kravitz] and I have planned, because you’ll be blown away at just how unbelievably terrible it is. The whole thing is going to be one giant, extremely over-the-top, 12-minute-long, pathetic excuse for entertainment that will be totally unwatchable. Trust me, you’re going to hate it—just absolutely hate it.” Despite guaranteeing that this Sunday’s halftime show will easily be one of the worst of all time, Perry did admit that it will be difficult to top last year’s giant heap of dog shit starring Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

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