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Katy Perry Drops Hints That Super Bowl Halftime Show Will Be Awful

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Katy Perry Drops Hints That Super Bowl Halftime Show Will Be Awful

PHOENIX—Stressing that she didn’t want to divulge too much information about the upcoming performance, pop star Katy Perry dropped several hints at a press conference Friday indicating that this weekend’s Super Bowl XLIX halftime show will be completely awful. “I don’t want to give anything away, but I will say this: Come halftime on Sunday, you better be ready to see the absolute worst, most god-awful piece of garbage you could possibly imagine,” said a smiling Perry, cryptically adding that fans could expect to see several surprise guests join her for “some lame duet performance that no one would ever want to see or hear in a million years.” “I can’t wait for you guys to see what Lenny [Kravitz] and I have planned, because you’ll be blown away at just how unbelievably terrible it is. The whole thing is going to be one giant, extremely over-the-top, 12-minute-long, pathetic excuse for entertainment that will be totally unwatchable. Trust me, you’re going to hate it—just absolutely hate it.” Despite guaranteeing that this Sunday’s halftime show will easily be one of the worst of all time, Perry did admit that it will be difficult to top last year’s giant heap of dog shit starring Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

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