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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Keep Safe: What To Do If You See A Brain-Damaged Former NFL Player

Though the NFL claims they closely monitor brain-damaged retirees to keep them away from the general public, here are some things to remember if you see a former football player.

  • If you're in immediate danger, get on the ground and play injured. The former player will likely stand over you and do a demeaning dance, but will walk away after that.
  • Confuse the player with a hard snap count.
  • Drop anything you're holding and the player will likely fall on it.
  • If a player falls to the ground in an epileptic fit, don't waste time trying to comfort him. Former players have seizures all the time, they can't even feel them anymore.
  • You may be able to avoid confrontation by standing perfectly still, as linebackers vision is based around detecting movement.
  • Due to their fragile brains, shining a flashlight in the players' eyes three times rapidly followed by two long flashes will instantly kill the player.
  • Call your local NFL team: if the player is violent enough, there may still be a spot for him on the practice squad.
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