Keeping an Open Mind

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Keeping an Open Mind

In the modern world we are constantly exposed to new ideas, concepts and cultures and we are expected to experience them without preconceived notions, which can be difficult for some. Here are some ways to help keep an open mind:

  • Trying new things can be scary but if your little brother can do it, what's your problem?
  • If you believe in yourself you can accomplish anything, but let’s be honest it will probably just be data-entry again.
  • Meditation is an excellent way to clear your head, just remember to stay far away from those fucking kids of yours.
  • It is better to regret something you have done than something you haven't, so act with total disregard for the laws of God and Man.
  • Every day, do at least one thing you've never done before, such as painting a masterpiece, writing a hit song or going outdoors.
  • Be respectful of all religions, so if a different one than yours is the right one they might put you in the nice part of Hell.
  • Things are often different than they appear, for example something like a simple brownie can leave you tripping your balls off for the next twelve hours.
  • Your ideas about sex are probably inhibited and repressive. Why not unshackle yourself by taking off your pants. Right now. Let's live a little.