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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Keeping an Open Mind

In the modern world we are constantly exposed to new ideas, concepts and cultures and we are expected to experience them without preconceived notions, which can be difficult for some. Here are some ways to help keep an open mind:

  • Trying new things can be scary but if your little brother can do it, what's your problem?
  • If you believe in yourself you can accomplish anything, but let’s be honest it will probably just be data-entry again.
  • Meditation is an excellent way to clear your head, just remember to stay far away from those fucking kids of yours.
  • It is better to regret something you have done than something you haven't, so act with total disregard for the laws of God and Man.
  • Every day, do at least one thing you've never done before, such as painting a masterpiece, writing a hit song or going outdoors.
  • Be respectful of all religions, so if a different one than yours is the right one they might put you in the nice part of Hell.
  • Things are often different than they appear, for example something like a simple brownie can leave you tripping your balls off for the next twelve hours.
  • Your ideas about sex are probably inhibited and repressive. Why not unshackle yourself by taking off your pants. Right now. Let's live a little.
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