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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Kemba Walker Wants To Be The One To Throw Ball Up At Very End Of Game

HOUSTON—Opening up to reporters at a press conference Sunday, Connecticut all-American guard Kemba Walker explained at great length that should the Huskies have the fortune of winning Monday's national championship game, he would like to be the player who launches the basketball into the air as the final seconds run out. "Hours of practice, all the games, everything we've achieved this year, it all leads up to that moment; as those final seconds tick down, I want the ball in my hands so I can throw it really, really high," Walker said. "There are a lot of options in a moment like that—one hand, two hands, straight up, out into the crowd—but in the end, only one thing matters: really chucking it way up there with all you've got." After speaking to the media, Walker made his way to Connecticut's final practice, where he spent the majority of his time trying to get a ball to hit the rafters.

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