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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Ken Burns Completes Documentary About Fucking Liars Who Claimed They Watched Entire ‘Jazz’ Series

ARLINGTON, VA—Announcing that the new 12-hour project would air on PBS next month, filmmaker Ken Burns confirmed Friday he had completed production on a documentary about all the fucking liars who claimed they watched his entire Jazz miniseries. “I became fascinated with the subject when I overheard a couple of lying shitheads saying they’d seen all of Jazz, even though they couldn’t mention the first thing about Dave Brubeck or Dizzy Gillespie—I just knew I had to explore that story,” said the acclaimed documentarian, who noted that the 12-part series would feature interviews and footage of hundreds of assholes who were so clearly full of shit as they insisted they had watched all 1,140 minutes of the series, even the episode on avant-garde jazz and free jazz, despite there being no way in hell that happened. “This project is going to explore exactly who these dishonest little sons of bitches think they’re fooling by claiming they sat down and watched the whole damn thing. There’s even some rare footage of a few of these pieces of shit talking about my depiction of Benny Carter, which wasn’t even in the fucking film.” Burns added that his next project would focus on all the goddamn brown-nosers who keep sending him dumbass pitches for his next documentary.

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