‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Ken Burns Not Sure How To Turn Down Ray Romano’s Repeated Offers To Narrate Next Documentary

WALPOLE, NH—At a loss for an appropriate way to respond to the messages the actor-comedian continues to leave on his phone, filmmaker Ken Burns confirmed Wednesday that he is unsure how to decline Ray Romano’s repeated offers to narrate his next documentary. “I keep ignoring his calls and letting them go to voicemail, but he just isn’t taking the hint,” said Burns, adding that the Everybody Loves Raymond star’s messages go on at length about how he would love to voice a historical character in one of Burns’ documentaries or perhaps even narrate an entire eight-part series. “Ray’s a nice guy and a fine performer, but the second I hear his voice on my answering machine, I think, ‘No way in hell.’ Maybe I could have used him in Brooklyn Bridge, but that was a long time ago. I just have to hope he tires himself out, I guess.” At press time, sources confirmed Romano had left a voicemail for Burns in which he praised The Civil War and tried his hand at some of Ulysses S. Grant’s lines, which had been performed in the documentary by two-time Academy Award winner Jason Robards.

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