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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Ken Lay's Corpse Sentenced To Prison

HOUSTON—A U.S. district court judge handed down the maximum sentence Tuesday to the body of former Enron CEO Kenneth L. Lay, who was convicted on multiple counts of securities and wire fraud when alive last May. "Mr. Lay, given the severity and scope of your blatant disregard for the laws and ethics of business, this court has no hesitation in posthumously sentencing you to rot in a maximum-security correctional facility," Judge Sim Lake said while addressing Lay's decomposing corpse Tuesday. "May God have already had mercy on your soul." Lay's remains will immediately begin serving a 45-year sentence, but could be eligible for parole as early as 2026 if they exhibit good behavior.

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