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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Kendrick Perkins Under Assumption He's One Of Celtics' 'Big Three'

BOSTON—Celtics center Kendrick Perkins is operating under the assumption that he is one of the team's "Big Three" players, as evidenced by his post-game comments, a recent Sports Illustrated interview, and the fact that he shouts "Big Three, baby!" while holding up three fingers after every basket he makes. "Any time you put Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and myself, Kendrick Perkins, on a court together, you're going to win a bunch of games—but let's not forget there are two other guys on this team, and their names are Rajon Rondo and Kevin Garnett," Perkins told reporters after his seven-point, two-rebound performance Sunday night. "In fact, if Kevin continues to play the way he's been playing, you may just have to start calling us the 'Big Four.'" Perkins added that this "Big Three" incarnation is even better than 2004's version, which he says included himself, Paul Pierce, and Raef LaFrentz.

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