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Kenenisa Bekele

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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Kenenisa Bekele

Track and Field, 5000m and 10,000m — Ethiopia

Racing Strategy: Drafts behind other runners for first 9,998 meters of race and then jumps out in front at the last second like an asshole

Training Regimen: Once ran 23,000 miles in one day, but usually only goes 21,500 miles

Favorite Meter: 5,186th

Biggest Concern: Lack of antelope herd at London’s Olympic Stadium means he won’t have access to adequate pacing

Regret: Still finishing the 1,850,000-meter event from the 2008 Beijing games

NEXT: Yelena Isinbayeva

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