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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Kenny Lofton Thinks He's Putting Finishing Touches On Hall Of Fame Career

CLEVELAND—Apparently oblivious to the fact that his lifetime statistics, while repectable, are not worthy of admittance into baseball's most exclusive club, Indians outfielder Kenny Lofton actually believes he is adding the final flourishes to what he deems a Hall of Fame career. "Four more stolen bases and I'm up to the magic 6-2-5," said the man who led the American League in singles in 1993 and finished in the top 26 of MVP voting four times. "All I've got to do is bump the old career average from .299 to .300, maybe get a few more triples, and I can punch my ticket to Cooperstown." Lofton, who noted that he was also "a very good bunter—perhaps one of the best in the 1990s"—is still deciding whether he should enter the Hall as an Indian, Astro, Brave, White Sox, Giant, Pirate, Cub, Yankee, Phillie, Dodger, or Ranger.

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