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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Kenny Rogers Denies Cheatin' During World Series

COLBERT, GA—Country vocalist Kenny Rogers repeatedly and vehemently denied rumors that he engaged in cheatin' behavior during Game 2 of the World Series Sunday night, which he maintains he watched on TV at his friend Randy's house across town despite anonymous eyewitnesses placing him at the Lincoln Park Motor Inn with an unknown red-haired woman. "C'mon, honey, you have to believe in me, here," Rogers said from the front lawn of his estate while dodging clothing and personal possessions thrown at him from the second-floor windows of his house by Wanda Miller, his wife of nine years. "I had a few beers and, you know, decided to take my time getting home, is all. Honey?" Suspicion initially settled on Rogers when a visual inspection seemed to reveal a "tacky" stain on the multiple-Grammy-award winner's hands.

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