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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Kentucky Going To Stick With Strategy Of Having Far-And-Away Better Athletes At Every Position

ATLANTA—In a press conference today regarding the Wildcats' Sweet 16 matchup, Kentucky coach John Calipari revealed to reporters he does not plan to switch up his strategy, which thus far has been to put in athletes who are much more gifted basketball players than the ones on the other teams. "When they get this deep in the tournament, some coaches see the good teams they're playing and think up ways they'll try to handle them," said Calipari, whose Wildcats have beaten their first two opponents so badly he has played nearly his entire bench of reserves. "I, on the other hand, am going to stick with what has worked so far: putting players on the court who make their opponents look like inept children and who will, in a few months, collectively take in tens of millions of dollars in the first round of the NBA draft." Calipari later admitted he will not even be attending Kentucky's game against Indiana tonight, as it conflicts with a meeting he scheduled with top-ranked recruit Nerlens Noel.

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