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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Kentucky Player Must Explain Significance Of AutoZone Liberty Bowl Before Coed Sleeps With Him

LEXINGTON, KY—University of Kentucky freshman Amy Austin demanded defensive end Ventrell Jenkins explain "what's so great" about the AutoZone Liberty Bowl before she would consent to participate in sexual intercourse with him, sources reported Monday.

"Technically, it's not the championship, but it's a lot like a championship," Austin's suitemates overheard Jenkins say. "Trust me. It was an important game." Jenkins also reportedly told the coed a trophy was awarded for the victory, and that this validated the game's significance. "With the BCS, there's not just one winner," he continued. "We're all winners in, like, diverse ways. It's hard to explain, but there was confetti and shit. We're the 2009 AutoZone Liberty Bowl champs.... Hey, come here." Austin reportedly put her clothes back on and left the room when Jenkins accidentally mentioned that Notre Dame had also played in a bowl game this year.

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