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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Kerry Collins Credits Current Success To Drinking Even More Before Games

NASHVILLE, TN—Titans quarterback Kerry Collins told reporters Sunday that his 9-0 record as a starter this season was largely due to drinking heavily before games in order to clarify his field vision, increase his arm strength by an estimated 50 percent, and give himself the courage to make throws he would not attempt while sober. "A couple shots of confidence before I go out on the field and I'm not afraid to do anything," said Collins, swaying back and forth slightly as he outlined his pregame routine. "When you look up and there's 16 guys in the box, you know you have to get rid of the ball right away. And if I hold on to the ball too long and I get hit, you don't, I don't feel, don't feel shit. Plus, the team. Lets me team leader. Leader-leader-leader...ship!" When asked how he orchestrated the Titan's comeback against the Jaguars, Collins claimed he blacked out during the second half and only remembers trying to belch the alphabet backwards.

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