MEDFORD, MA—Medford resident Bob Schroeder spoke out Monday against a ketchup packet he recently acquired at a local restaurant, claiming it was not fancy enough. "The label on the packet clearly indicated it was 'fancy' ketchup, but upon breaking the packet's seal, it was clear that the ketchup was not very fancy at all. In fact, it appeared to be quite ordinary." Melvin Burr, a spokesperson for the manufacturer of the ketchup, denied any wrongdoing. "Our ketchup is processed in accordance with all federal fanciness standards, including the stipulation that all our factory workers be duchesses."