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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Kevin Durant Has Off Night With Quiet 94-For-128, 210-Point Performance

OKLAHOMA CITY—Despite his team’s victory over the Minnesota Timberwolves, Oklahoma City Thunder coach Scott Brooks admitted to reporters Wednesday night that forward Kevin Durant gave a largely subdued performance, converting just 94 of 128 shots and finishing the game with only 210 points. “Kevin had one of those nights where it just wasn’t happening for him offensively, but we can’t expect him to keep putting up 250 shots every game like he’s been doing,” said Brooks, stressing that Durant’s underwhelming 49 rebounds, 57 assists, and 72 points from outside the arc are not indicative of any major issues with the three-time NBA scoring champion. “Credit has to go to the Timberwolves’ defense—they contained Durant and restricted him to just 134 points inside the paint. But at the end of the day, it’s only one game, and he’ll bounce back from it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he returns to his usual standard with at least 300 points next game.” Brooks went on to say that the rest of his players “really stepped up” amidst Durant’s struggles, collectively scoring 29 points.

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