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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Kevin Garnett Now Screaming Each Time Rajon Rondo Scores

BOSTON —Now that Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo has emerged as the team's leading postseason scorer, 33-year-old forward Kevin Garnett has taken to emitting his signature primal scream each time Rondo makes a basket. "I'm no longer able to contain myself when I pass it back out to him because I can't get through a double-team, or when he hits a three while I'm stumbling in the paint," Garnett told reporters after Rondo's 22-point performance Thursday, during which Garnett punctuated the point guard's behind-the-back fast-break assist by pounding Rondo's chest with his fist. "I think I feel it the most when I'm grinding under the basket and I flip up an off-balance shot that clangs off the front of the rim, and Rajon's there to rebound and lay it back all in one motion and I'm like, 'GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!'" Garnett also announced plans to engage in histrionics whenever Glen Davis does something in the interior that Garnett is no longer capable of doing.

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