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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Kevin Garnett Now Screaming Each Time Rajon Rondo Scores

BOSTON —Now that Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo has emerged as the team's leading postseason scorer, 33-year-old forward Kevin Garnett has taken to emitting his signature primal scream each time Rondo makes a basket. "I'm no longer able to contain myself when I pass it back out to him because I can't get through a double-team, or when he hits a three while I'm stumbling in the paint," Garnett told reporters after Rondo's 22-point performance Thursday, during which Garnett punctuated the point guard's behind-the-back fast-break assist by pounding Rondo's chest with his fist. "I think I feel it the most when I'm grinding under the basket and I flip up an off-balance shot that clangs off the front of the rim, and Rajon's there to rebound and lay it back all in one motion and I'm like, 'GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!'" Garnett also announced plans to engage in histrionics whenever Glen Davis does something in the interior that Garnett is no longer capable of doing.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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