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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Kevin Kolb: 'I've Always Dreamed Of Playing For The Bills Since I Was Released By The Cardinals And Had No Other Options'

BUFFALO, NY—After signing a two-year contract with the team, quarterback Kevin Kolb revealed Wednesday that he has always dreamt of playing for the Buffalo Bills from the moment he was cut by the Arizona Cardinals and had absolutely no other alternatives. “Ever since I can remember being a free agent without a shred of interest from any other teams, I’ve always wanted to wear that Bills uniform,” said Kolb, adding that he leapt at the opportunity as soon as he heard the Bills were the sole NFL franchise willing to employ him following his disappointing stint with the Cardinals. “To finally be where I’ve dreamed of playing since back when I was told by my agent that the Bills were my only shot at continuing my NFL career—it is really a dream come true.” Reached for comment, Bills head coach Doug Marrone told reporters he had always hoped to work with Kolb, dating back to the first time he realized the six-year veteran was the only quarterback the team could get.

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