adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Kevin Youkilis Puts Sign-Up Sheet For Threesome In Red Sox Dugout

BOSTON—Third baseman Kevin Youkilis reportedly posted a sign-up sheet for a threesome in the Red Sox dugout Monday, encouraging players and coaches to join him for a great opportunity to “get their fuck on.” “Let’s do this, guys. I’m already super hard thinking about all this group boning,” said Youkilis, who pretended to stroke a 4-foot-long erection while urging teammembers to also sign up girlfriends, wives, or even grandmothers, as long as they weren’t squeamish about “backdoor action.” “The combination doesn’t matter as long as there’s an equal number of poles and holes. Dustin, I’m going to put your name up here. You don’t have to join in. You can just jerk it in the corner if you want. We’re all just trying to get off, right?” According to sources, Youkilis warned the team to wear clothes that they didn’t mind getting jizz-stained.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close