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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Key Halftime Adjustments Propel Fourth-Grade Rec Basketball Team To 8-Point Third Quarter

WARREN, MI—Completing a stunning turnaround after the opposing team had jumped out to a commanding two-score lead, a local fourth-grade recreational basketball team made several key halftime adjustments Wednesday night that propelled them to a dominant eight-point third quarter. “We had a rough start, but deciding to put the ball in [guard Michael] Higgins’ hands really paid off when he absolutely caught fire by going two-of-nine in the second half,” said coach Jeff Hornyak, who also credited the addition of a second play for the team’s offensive explosion of four unanswered points over the first seven minutes of the third quarter. “Of course, Tyler [Guertner] also came up huge with a two-pointer after we told him to concentrate on using the backboard to bank in layups instead of launching airballs from several feet behind the three-point line, and our renewed emphasis on getting to the foul line worked out perfectly once we finally sank one. This was easily the most impressive game I’ve seen from these guys all year.” While pleased with his team’s offensive firepower, Hornyak added that none of it would have been possible without 5-foot-tall center Patrick Clark’s 37 rebounds.

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