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Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Key Races: Governor

CALIFORNIA:

Jerry Brown (D) vs. Meg Whitman (R)

Business experience:

  • Brown: Former eBay Power-Seller of Oakland Raiders mud flaps
  • Whitman: Former CEO of eBay

Demeanor:

  • Brown: Crotchety
  • Whitman: Unpleasant

Pet pejorative:

  • Brown: "Whore"
  • Whitman: "Jerry Brown"

Diving board:

  • Brown: Can opener
  • Whitman: Cannonball

Song written about candidate:

  • Brown: Dead Kennedys "California Über Alles"
  • Whitman: "Meg," sung to the tune of Steely Dan"s "Peg"

Campaign slogan:

  • Brown: "Jerry Brown 2010: Just Make an Old Man Happy Before He Dies"
  • Whitman: "(877 ★) 99.6% Positive Feedback"

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