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Politics

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NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

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Key Races: Senate

NEVADA:

Harry Reid (D) vs. Sharron Angle (R)

Campaign bus name:

  • Reid: ReidRod
  • Angle: AngleWagon

Position on foreign policy:

  • Reid: Wants U.S. military to be powerful
  • Angle: Wants U.S. military to be mighty

Astrological indicators:

  • Reid: Sagittarians are prone to fits of rage, flightiness
  • Angle: Leos have a stubborn streak, heavy periods

Scandal:

  • Reid: Used taxpayer money to fund Viagra
  • Angle: Caught making and selling star maps of local Reno celebrities

On the Proper Size of Government:

  • Reid: "We must carefully balance the size of our federal government between the debt load that we can bear and the vital projects that lobbyists pay me for."
  • Angle: "Traffic lights stomp on our freedoms! To arms, my brothers!"

Stance on Medicare, Social Security, the Federal Reserve, the U.N., the Department of Education, combating climate change, forcing BP to pay for oil-spill damages, allowing abortions for rape and incest victims, and fluoridating drinking water:

  • Reid: Pro
  • Angle: Anti

Quote from debate:

  • Reid: "I'm sorry, but I'm unfamiliar with these Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama people you keep mentioning."
  • Angle: "Hold on a sec and let me come up with an answer that's absolutely fucking nuts."

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