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Key Races: Senate

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Key Races: Senate

NEVADA:

Harry Reid (D) vs. Sharron Angle (R)

Campaign bus name:

  • Reid: ReidRod
  • Angle: AngleWagon

Position on foreign policy:

  • Reid: Wants U.S. military to be powerful
  • Angle: Wants U.S. military to be mighty

Astrological indicators:

  • Reid: Sagittarians are prone to fits of rage, flightiness
  • Angle: Leos have a stubborn streak, heavy periods

Scandal:

  • Reid: Used taxpayer money to fund Viagra
  • Angle: Caught making and selling star maps of local Reno celebrities

On the Proper Size of Government:

  • Reid: "We must carefully balance the size of our federal government between the debt load that we can bear and the vital projects that lobbyists pay me for."
  • Angle: "Traffic lights stomp on our freedoms! To arms, my brothers!"

Stance on Medicare, Social Security, the Federal Reserve, the U.N., the Department of Education, combating climate change, forcing BP to pay for oil-spill damages, allowing abortions for rape and incest victims, and fluoridating drinking water:

  • Reid: Pro
  • Angle: Anti

Quote from debate:

  • Reid: "I'm sorry, but I'm unfamiliar with these Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama people you keep mentioning."
  • Angle: "Hold on a sec and let me come up with an answer that's absolutely fucking nuts."

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