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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Key Races: The House

ALABAMA 2ND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT:

Bobby Bright (D) vs. Martha Roby (R)

Time to eat a 72-ounce steak:

  • Bright: Didn't finish
  • Roby: 25 minutes, 17 seconds

Knows what a congressman does:

  • Bright: Yes
  • Roby: Sorta

Imaginary friend:

  • Bright: Darius, who sees value in all cultures
  • Roby: Galt, who thinks we're destroying the profit motive

Character-building childhood experience:

  • Bright: Picking cotton
  • Roby: Attending Billy Ray Cyrus’ Some Gave All tour

Campaign song:

  • Bright: "Sweet Home Alabama"
  • Roby: "Sweet Home Alabama" (live version)

Campaign promise:

  • Bright: State will finally surpass Mississippi to claim the 49th spot in at least one quality-of-life ranking
  • Roby: Challenge Nancy Pelosi to a duel

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