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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Key Races: The House

ALABAMA 2ND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT:

Bobby Bright (D) vs. Martha Roby (R)

Time to eat a 72-ounce steak:

  • Bright: Didn't finish
  • Roby: 25 minutes, 17 seconds

Knows what a congressman does:

  • Bright: Yes
  • Roby: Sorta

Imaginary friend:

  • Bright: Darius, who sees value in all cultures
  • Roby: Galt, who thinks we're destroying the profit motive

Character-building childhood experience:

  • Bright: Picking cotton
  • Roby: Attending Billy Ray Cyrus’ Some Gave All tour

Campaign song:

  • Bright: "Sweet Home Alabama"
  • Roby: "Sweet Home Alabama" (live version)

Campaign promise:

  • Bright: State will finally surpass Mississippi to claim the 49th spot in at least one quality-of-life ranking
  • Roby: Challenge Nancy Pelosi to a duel

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