Kids Of Milwaukee Forced To Look Up To Ryan Braun On Technicality

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Kids Of Milwaukee Forced To Look Up To Ryan Braun On Technicality

MILWAUKEE—Despite ample evidence pointing to elevated levels of testosterone in Ryan Braun's urine, the mishandling of the Brewers slugger's sample means the region's young baseball players will once again have to look up to him, arbitrator Shyam Das ordered Thursday. "If you are a Wisconsin youngster and Ryan Braun has been your favorite player, you are still required to want to be just like him when you grow up," said Das, ordering area 12-year-olds and Little Leaguers to reattach previously discarded Ryan Braun posters to all affected bedroom doors. "Major League Baseball officially believes Ryan Braun when he says if you work really hard and don't corners, you'll be successful like him, and you are now required to resume believing that, too." Following the decision, Brewers Kids Club members had petitioned Das to allow them to start looking up to outfielder Corey Hart instead, but the arbitrator ruled that since the departure of free agent Prince Fielder, Braun is the only logical player for them to idolize.


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