Kim Jong-Il Doesn't Know How He Keeps Winning Lottery

Top Headlines

Recent News

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

The Gay Rights Movement In America: A Timeline

The Supreme Court ruled in a 5-4 decision Friday that bans on gay marriage are unconstitutional, concluding decades of hard-fought battles by gay rights activists to grant marriage equality to all. Here is a timeline of milestones in the gay rights movement in the U.S.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Kim Jong-Il Doesn't Know How He Keeps Winning Lottery

PYONGYANG—After winning his ninth $10 million lottery jackpot in as many weeks, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il continues to be "stunned" by his good luck. "Certainly the fates smile with a benevolent countenance upon myself, the most Exalted Supreme Leader-For-Life of the great nation of Korea!" said Kim, who acts as Chairman of the National Democratic Council, Commander of the National Defense Commission, Supreme Director of the North Korean Powerball and MegaMillions Lotteries, and General Secretary of the Worker's Party of Korea. "Truly, heaven has blessed me once again with great wealth, as well as the love of my people!" The dictator said the winnings come at a particularly fortuitous time, as he is currently broke after spending all of his previous eight jackpots on plutonium.

Next Story