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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Kim Jong-Un Volunteers For First Shift Of Wife's Suicide Watch

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—One day after his marriage to Ri Sol-ju was officially announced on state television, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un volunteered to take the first shift of his wife’s suicide watch, sources confirmed Thursday evening. "I've got this watch, then [Vice Marshall Hyon] Yong-chol, you'll take the 12 a.m. to 4 a.m. shift, and [Supreme People’s Assembly Chairman Kim] Young-nam, you'll do 4 to 8," Kim reportedly said, instructing aides to search "every inch" of the first lady’s padded bedroom for any concealed vials of poison or sharpened household objects. "I want eyes on her at all times. If she tries to fashion a noose from a bedsheet, get in there right away." According to sources, Kim was forced to rush into his wife’s room six minutes into his watch upon realizing that her shoelaces hadn’t been removed.

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Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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