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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Kim Jong-Un Wonders If Nuclear Threats Distracting Him From Real Goal Of Starving Citizenry

PYONGYANG—Amidst escalating tensions between North Korea and the global community, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un expressed concern Tuesday that his ongoing threats of inciting a nuclear war are distracting him from the more fundamental goal of starving his citizens. “I know it’s important to focus on making bold and increasingly outlandish threats involving nuclear weapons, but at the same time, I’ve got millions of people out there who need to be starved, and isn’t that ultimately priority number one?” the North Korean dictator wondered aloud, adding that his obsession with eradicating the West in a hail of nuclear rockets may have caused him to “lose sight” of his main responsibility of allowing the nearly 25 million men, women, and children under his watch to starve to death. “Here I am working around the clock to expand our nuclear program so that our foes might feel the bitter sting of their arrogance, and, meanwhile, we haven’t had a proper famine in nearly 15 years. I think we can ultimately accomplish both goals, of course, but I just don’t want to take my foot off the pedal when it comes to nationwide malnutrition and hunger, because that’s our real bread and butter around here.” Kim added he was happy, however, with the job he’s done juggling insane, warmongering rhetoric with gross human rights abuses.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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