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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Kim Kiper Puts Husband's Mock Draft Up On Fridge

TOWSON, MD—Kim Kiper proudly displayed her husband’s 2013 NFL mock draft on the refrigerator door Wednesday, claiming that the 52-year-old football analyst worked very hard hand-writing a list of potential selections for every single team in the league. “Mel was so cute when he came running into the kitchen excited to show off the mock draft that he made all by himself,” said Kiper, adding that her husband is often content to sit on the floor of his room all day quietly pretending to choose draft picks for NFL teams. “The smile on his face was priceless when I told him that I was going to put it up on the fridge where everyone can see the good job he did. I’m very pleased that he didn’t have any tantrums this year. Sometimes he gets so frustrated after mixing up the draft order that he throws a fit and stomps around the house for hours.” Kim Kiper, who attempted to encourage and praise her husband, admitted to reporters that she had to help him make selections for picks five through 32.

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