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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Kim Rhode

Shooting — El Monte, California

Shooting Style: Oh, you’ll find out

Reasons For Shooting Skeet: Self-defense; thinning of ever-rising skeet population

Bad Habits: Constantly scratching at crotch with shotgun

Motivation: Replacing her 1996 and 2004 gold medals, which have a ton of bullet holes in them by now

Favorite Gun Accessory: Other guns

Controversies: Doesn’t consume every part of skeet; stripped of gold medal in double trap after overwhelming evidence of a second shooter

NEXT: Lolo Jones

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