Kindergartner Being Groomed For Line-Leader Position

In This Section

After Birth

Baby-Naming Tips For New Moms

Mothershould’s Grace Manning-Devlin breaks down some of the hottest baby names of the year, such as Cooper, Tanner, Milkman, and Serf.

Pros And Cons Of Standardized Testing

As the American education system continues to place more emphasis on standardized testing to measure academic achievement, critics have argued that it can be more harmful than helpful to students’ development in the long run. Here are some of the pros and cons of standardized testing:

Being Older Than Daughter Babysitter’s Only Qualification

UTICA, NY—Possessing no particular proficiencies or training whatsoever, local 12-year-old Jessica Radloff was reportedly hired to babysit Hayley Carden, 7, this week based solely on her qualification of being older than the child she was asked to watch.

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources confirmed.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Blog Post Read By Mother To Shape Child’s Next 18 Years

PAOLI, PA—Poised to inform future parenting decisions on medical care, dietary restrictions, and everyday well-being, the blog post “Fluoride Drops For Kids—Good Idea?” which was read by local mother Laurie Miller earlier today, will reportedly shape the next 18 years of her young child’s life.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Pros And Cons Of Screen Time For Kids

As technology becomes more of a staple in everyday family life, parents are making choices about how much screen time to allow their children—and asking questions about how computers, phones, and TVs might help or hinder a child’s development.

Oh God, Teacher Arranged Desks In Giant Circle

OVERLAND PARK, KS—Appearing stunned and unsettled as they entered her classroom Wednesday, students from Ms. Frederickson’s fourth-period social studies class were reportedly overcome with panic 

Kids Teary-Eyed After Helping Dad Move Into First Apartment

BOWLING GREEN, OH—With their father marking the start of an important new phase in his life, the children of local man Barry Hunt told reporters they got a bit teary-eyed after helping the 49-year-old move into his first apartment Thursday. Teenager...

Supreme Court Gathers To Watch Baby Justices Hatch

WASHINGTON—Crowding around a small glass incubator in their personal chambers for a better vantage point, all nine members of the U.S. Supreme Court reportedly gathered Tuesday to watch a brood of baby justices hatch from their eggs.

Allowance To Teach Child Importance Of Parental Dependence

MUNCIE, IN—Saying that they wanted to instill lifelong financial habits in their young son, the parents of 9-year-old Jeremy Lambert explained to reporters Monday that they give him a weekly $10 allowance to teach him the importance of parental depe...

Sesame Street’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back

Sesame Street, the long-running PBS children’s television show starring a cast of Jim Henson muppets who teach children basic learning concepts and introduce them to difficult issues, turns 45 this week.

The Pros And Cons Of Freezing Your Eggs

As more women choose to pursue professional, educational, or personal goals before starting a family later in life, many consider freezing their eggs as a way of prolonging their fertility.

Homeless Child Apparently Unaware He Lives In Nanny State

NEW YORK—Considering how these days the government in this country coddles its citizens from the cradle to the grave, an 11-year-old boy currently homeless on the streets of New York must be unaware he lives in a nanny state, reports confirmed this ...

The Cost Of Raising A Child

According to a new report by the USDA, the cost of raising a child until age 18 now exceeds $245,000, after which many parents will also have to foot the bill for college.

Area Mom Raving About Phoenix Airport

AURORA, IL—Noting its impressive collection of shops, restaurants, and transit options during a phone call with her daughter, local mother Carol Wingfield expressed her admiration for Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport in the strongest terms, ...

Hands-Off Mom Lets Kids Create Own Psychological Issues

BOLTON, VT—Saying it’s important for parents to avoid simply passing their own neuroses on to their children, area mother Tricia Eakins told reporters Monday she believes in taking a hands-off approach and letting her kids develop their own ps...

Teacher Picks Wrong Student To Believe In Every Fucking Year

ROUND ROCK, TX—Frustrated at her repeated inability to steer a struggling young person in the right direction, McClintock High School English teacher Jan Broderic said Tuesday that she picks the wrong student to believe in every fucking year. Broder...

Grasshopper Dismembered By Future Supreme Court Justice

CASTLE ROCK, CO—Nearly 45 years before he is to be appointed to the Supreme Court by the 51st president of the United States, Lucas Bevins, 8, reportedly spent Thursday afternoon ripping the legs and antennae off of a grasshopper he found in his bac...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Race Relations

Originality

Kindergartner Being Groomed For Line-Leader Position

BELLE MEADE, TN—Belle Meade Day School kindergarten teacher Mrs. Allen, 33, says she has known since the first day of class that student Gregory Hutter, 6, was "line-leader material."

"He wasn't the tallest, but he conducted himself as if he were over four feet," Mrs. Allen said of Hutter, who she believes "has what it takes" to lead the class to key locations throughout the school such as the cafeteria, bathroom, water fountain, and to the playground. "Once he's got his feet under him a bit more, the sky's the limit on where he can take this class."

Mrs. Allen tests Hutter's ability to "think on his feet, react, and make a move."

Mrs. Allen realized that Hutter could maintain his composure in high-pressure situations several months ago when, after recess, he took a quick sip of water at the drinking fountain. "He just had this innate sense that there were people waiting behind him who were also thirsty, and that the class was going to be late for music," she said. "You can't teach that."

Most teachers, after seeing Hutter cry when his mother dropped him off for school during the first two weeks, would have dismissed Hutter's future leadership prospects, but Mrs. Allen reportedly "kept on the boy." She forced him to complete his noodle necklace and printing drills with precision, despite the obvious emotional strain.

"I had to break him a little bit, but I was just preparing him for the kind of focus one needs to line lead," said Mrs. Allen, a former line leader, who admitted she sees a little bit of herself in Hutter. "I look out for the kid, help him grow. To be honest, I'm a little jealous. If I'd had a kindergarten teacher tell me to not swing my arms around wildly when I was his age, I might have one day grown up to be class president."

According to Mrs. Allen, she really started to think Hutter was "the real deal" when she gave him the responsibility of being the class's milk monitor last month. Though there were a few spills early on, Mrs. Allen said Hutter never got lost between the classroom and the cafeteria, and always returned promptly and avoided dillydallying.

"He's got what it takes to be another Tommy Masterson, or even a Lisa Wodtke," said Mrs. Allen, referring to outstanding line leaders from 1998 and 1995, respectively, whose high school careers she continues to follow.

When primary line leader Lauren Gratchic came down with chicken pox in mid-January, Mrs. Allen immediately tapped Hutter for the post. "It was sink or swim—and he swam," she said.

Heading out to recess, Hutter noticed there was construction near the playground, and held the line even though his teacher continued forward. "He was right, and I was wrong," said Mrs. Allen, who added that it seemed as if the kindergartner had "been a line leader his whole life." "I had completely forgotten about the announcement that the playground was off-limits for the day."

"I took him aside and told him that, in general, he should always follow me, no matter what," she added. "But the dynamic of our relationship is complex, and I think he knew I was proud of him."

Student reaction to Hutter's interim leadership was positive.

"He did really good," said fellow kindergartner Miles Reed, 5. "When he led us to lunch, he did good. And when he led us back to class, he did good. Lauren is also good. But she is a girl."

Mrs. Allen spoke cautiously about the imminent transfer of line-leading power, even as she praised Hutter's "seemingly innate" ability to always face forward and not peer into other classrooms while leading his classmates to the cafeteria.

"Sure he's good—shockingly good—and I even think he'd be able to share authority gracefully at times, like when the class has to split up into two lines to enter school assemblies," Mrs. Allen said. "But is he ready for prime time? You don't want to rush these things."

Mrs. Allen added: "Gregory's still just a little young."

Next Story

After Birth Video