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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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KISS Cover Band Guitarist Leaves To Start Vinnie Vincent Invasion Tribute Band

AKRON, OH—Citing growing tensions between bandmates, Harvey Shapiro—aka "VeeVee," the guitarist for KISS cover band Destroyer—left the group Monday to create VeeVee's Occupying Force, a Vinnie Vincent Invasion tribute band. "I felt I had hit a creative ceiling with the cover-band experience and was ready for the challenges of a tribute band," Shapiro said. "VeeVee's Occupying Force will debut Dec. 3 at Rubber City Lanes. We're opening for Second Sighting, my brother's Frehley's Comet cover band." As a part of his new band's act, Shapiro said he is contemplating suing Destroyer for $6 million over damage to his reputation following some badmouthing at the Rock 'N' Bowl.

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