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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Knicks Fans Discover Striking Palms Together Makes Uplifting And Appreciative Noise

NEW YORK—Following the Knicks' surprising 4-2 start, fans' instinctual boos have been interrupted by what many are referring to as "a strange, repeated bringing-together motion of the hands," an act resulting in an uplifting sound that can be used to respond to successful plays by the team.

"It seems to be really effective when a lot of people do it at the same time," said fan Adam Blake, 32, whose face has recently begun to contort in such a way that his mouth curls upwards at the corners, often exposing the fronts of his teeth. "It's a lot less natural for me than yelling at players and coaches, but unlike throwing garbage on the court, the security guards say you're allowed to do it. I guess if I had to choose between the old way and this new hand-slapping thing, I'd pick hand-slapping. It seems to be making the players, and me, feel kind of—I don't know—good." Upon returning home, fans were shocked to learn that emotional connections could be made with friends and family by not making sarcastic comments about their weight and intelligence and instead wrapping their arms around each other and pressing their bodies close together.

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