adBlockCheck

Knicks Management Puzzled As To Why Chauncey Billups Wants To Return

Top Headlines

Sports

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Knicks Management Puzzled As To Why Chauncey Billups Wants To Return

NEW YORK—Several members of New York Knicks management expressed bewilderment Thursday as to why Chauncey Billups would openly express a desire to return for a second season with the organization. "He knows this is the New York Knicks, right?” said team president Donnie Walsh, explaining he was skeptical of Billups’ request and outlining a list of reasons why, which included outdated facilities, an unreliable fan base, and his recent managerial track record. "He must have meant the Nets. They have a new arena, they have Jay-Z… Yeah, he probably meant the Nets." After several phone calls to ask Billups if he "was positive" and "wasn’t just messing around," Knicks management immediately picked up the 34-year-old point guard's option for next year and began negotiating a 10-year, $140 million extension.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close