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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Knicks Management Puzzled As To Why Chauncey Billups Wants To Return

NEW YORK—Several members of New York Knicks management expressed bewilderment Thursday as to why Chauncey Billups would openly express a desire to return for a second season with the organization. "He knows this is the New York Knicks, right?” said team president Donnie Walsh, explaining he was skeptical of Billups’ request and outlining a list of reasons why, which included outdated facilities, an unreliable fan base, and his recent managerial track record. "He must have meant the Nets. They have a new arena, they have Jay-Z… Yeah, he probably meant the Nets." After several phone calls to ask Billups if he "was positive" and "wasn’t just messing around," Knicks management immediately picked up the 34-year-old point guard's option for next year and began negotiating a 10-year, $140 million extension.

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