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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Knicks Trade Draft Pick To Raptors In Exchange For Three Wins

NEW YORK—Just minutes before the NBA trade deadline passed last Thursday, New York GM Isiah Thomas traded the Knicks' second-round draft pick to Toronto in return for three of the Raptors' victories. "We looked at a lot of offers, but with this deal, we knew exactly what we were getting," said Thomas, whose critics say this move is only a short-term solution to the Knicks' problems. "I don't think there's any question that this immediately makes us a better team. Just look at the standings—we were in last place by a few games last night, and we've already shot up to fourth. Our fans have been calling for more wins all season, and that's exactly what we've given them." Insiders report that Thomas had also been working on a trade in which Houston would receive all the Knicks' 2006-2007 victories in return for Tracy McGrady, but the deal fell apart after the Rockets said that would "not be nearly enough to help them contend."

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