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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Kobe Bryant Blasts Teammates For Failure To Criticize Pau Gasol

LOS ANGELES—Claiming there was “no excuse” for tolerating weakness, Lakers guard Kobe Bryant publicly called out his teammates Thursday for their failure to condemn center Pau Gasol’s lackluster play this season. “We all need to step up, get right in his face, and vilify him like we really mean it,” said Bryant, who encouraged the entire team to “come together and just attack, attack, attack” the 7-foot-1 Spaniard. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one denouncing Pau’s weak style of play every single night. That’s not acceptable. This has to be a team effort. I want our bench guys to get involved. Coach [Mike D’Antoni] is with me on this, but even he knows he could be doing more.” Bryant also issued a challenge to each and every one of his teammates to draw technical fouls for fighting with Pau Gasol during Friday’s game against the Thunder.

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