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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Kobe Bryant Blasts Teammates For Failure To Criticize Pau Gasol

LOS ANGELES—Claiming there was “no excuse” for tolerating weakness, Lakers guard Kobe Bryant publicly called out his teammates Thursday for their failure to condemn center Pau Gasol’s lackluster play this season. “We all need to step up, get right in his face, and vilify him like we really mean it,” said Bryant, who encouraged the entire team to “come together and just attack, attack, attack” the 7-foot-1 Spaniard. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one denouncing Pau’s weak style of play every single night. That’s not acceptable. This has to be a team effort. I want our bench guys to get involved. Coach [Mike D’Antoni] is with me on this, but even he knows he could be doing more.” Bryant also issued a challenge to each and every one of his teammates to draw technical fouls for fighting with Pau Gasol during Friday’s game against the Thunder.

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