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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Kobe Bryant Demanding Things Again

LOS ANGELES—Although Kobe Bryant is withholding comment on whether or not he recently demanded to be traded from the Lakers, the star forward demanded many other things Monday. "I demand that Jerry West be put in charge of player personnel, that my jersey be retired while I am still active yet I be allowed to continue wearing it, that someone get me another VitaminWater, and that I get Shaquille O'Neal back," Kobe told reporters, fans, and Lakers front-office employees at the Staples Center. "Not that the Lakers get Shaq back, but me. I also demand to be inducted into the Hall of Fame at the end of the season; a deal for my own shoe with Nike, Reebok, Adidas, and Starbury; and that everyone love me. Now." Representatives of the Lakers, the Hall of Fame, Shaquille O'Neal, the major shoe companies, and VitaminWater say they are working to meet Bryant's demands.

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